A Letter To My Teen Self: Pleasure

Dear Me,


It looks like you have it all together, it seems you excel in every area, but dear I know you very well. For your parent, you are the A* student, never slipping a grade. For your friends, you are always the drunkest, never missing a party. It’s funny because you think you are living life on the edge…but if only you knew just how close you are to falling off.

But you are still in church every Sunday, singing words you don’t understand. All you can do is hold back the hangover with a smile. When you walk into church your heart is weighed down with guilt, because it all just seems like a list of rules; all of which just seem so tauntingly impossible not to break. You have painted a silver lining on the cloud of sin that is storming inside of you, at least you haven’t done this and at least you haven’t done that. That is, until the silver turns gradually into grey and there is almost nothing left. The idea of being a rebel just seems so much more exciting. I know no-one has ever told you this, it almost seems like a secret, but being a follower of Christ is to be rebellious, being a follower of Christ is more than exciting and there is a little thing called grace that might just amaze you.

Right now, you just don’t see it; you’re so blind. You have numbed yourself with the speed of it all…or maybe that’s just the alcohol. Maybe if you keep on running, you will never have to stop to feel anything. Maybe if you keep distracted, you won’t have to see what’s inside. But maybe it’s time to stop. Just take a moment, and take a glimpse. It’s really not hard to see that inside you are so broken. You think you are happy but I just can’t wait until you see that word redefined. True happiness can only be found in Him.

In a cycle of self destruction, you coat yourself with a healthy dose of makeup to prepare for your unhealthy habit of flirty and flaunting your lunchtime away. Only Christ can set you free, because I know you are trying, but you can’t do it on your own, no-one can. It’s time you realise that no boy is going to fix you; there is only one redeeming love. It only takes a few cheap words to fall under that spell, and for those moments you feel loved. The problem is; you just have no idea what you are worth, you just think you are already broken and who would want that. But broken, Someone bought you at a price, and I can tell you, you were very expensive. Maybe you’ll never understand just how much, but know that it’s immeasurable! You see your problem is you are empty and all you need is love. I know the well is so very deep, but believe me this isn’t going to fill you up. Put down that drink and just take one cup of living water; you’ll never thirst again.

So I just want to leave you a few truths to cast out the lies and the darkness …

Someone out there has already approved you, someone out there already loves you! You don’t have to win Him over. You are already His and He is already yours. I know you don’t know Him, but one day He will come and meet you and rescue you from your hurt. What you DID is not WHO you are. He will tell you who you are and it’ll take its time to sink in, but let me give you a hint…you are a daughter of a King.

Yours sincerely, Freedom


“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”- C.S Lewis

About me

Hi! My name is Monica. I have a bad case of wanderlust, I spend most my time wondering and wandering, Sometimes, because I am lost (a lot of the time) but mostly because I just love the adventure. I believe life really begins at the end of your comfort zone so when I don't spend my time jumping out of planes I use it to take hold of hands and hearts to take others there with me. Though, I spend a lot of time being lost, there there was a time when I was found by the One who was pursuing me relentless, I was found by the One I love .Though, I spend a lot of time travelling there is one place I know I can call home, and it's with Him. I love connecting with people deeply and authentically because my biggest desire is to just understand people, so for me there is almost never an inappropriate time to jump into the deep questions. Maybe it's because I know what It means to be loved regardless of my deepest darkness.To be loved at your darkest, is healing. As a medical student I desire to partake of that healing nature of Christ and be a drop of oil that soothes the wounds of the world. Isaiah 43


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