Freedom To Feel
Satisfying the appetite within me to read, I devour many blogs. And in my feasts I have come to find a plethora of blogs on the topic of singleness. Being Christian and single, to be exact. And as I read through thousands of words so beautifully laced, I hear the hearts of many young women. So many singles, and at a glance, so many singles enjoying their season of singleness. Then one day I move in a little closer, not just reading words to fill my mind, but absorbing words to fill my soul.
But though I read gratitude, I sense discontentment. Though joy is spoken of, I feel the bitter sting beneath the words. Single Christian women or frustrated Christian women? Does a difference even exist, or are these states of being synonymous?
To read but a few, one thing rings loud; justification. Justification, everywhere. But whoever said singleness demanded justification? Must we find reason for the gifts bestowed upon us by the Giver? Will we question that which He has given us as if He robbed us of every good thing?
Too many of us walk around with a mask of contentment, a mask of declaration that “I’m single because I am satisfied with God.” And while our hearts ring with sincerity, frustration takes us captive, as within us we also desire to be known and deeply loved by a man. While our lips say “I kissed dating good-bye” our hearts say “I’m dying to date.” As we utter “I’m using my singleness to serve God,” inside we burn of “I can’t wait for this season to be over so I can be with someone.”
And as your mind takes in these words of mine, you eagerly expect correction, a rebuke of this way of life. But, beloved sister, this is not another singles blog. This is not another façade of singleness.
The truth is many of us are single. At the same time, many of us desire to be married one day. And at the same time, many of us desire to live a godly life serving our Maker.
But deep within our Christian books and Christian communities, a serpent sneaked in and caused this deception. This deception that in our singleness we should be entirely satisfied and that if we feel a longing for a man, there’s something terribly wrong with us because our entire fulfillment should be in God.
It is this that I am compelled to rectify.
Whoever said being a godly woman meant denying our girlish notions and excitement of being loved? Because the God I serve, His very essence is love. So that which I long for most is His love. Yet this does not reprimand my longing for a man’s love.
It was not good for Adam to be alone. But surely, Adam had it all? Did he not walk with God and have the purest most intimate relationship with Him? So the question that stirs within me is, “Why was God not enough for Adam? Why was it not good for Adam to be alone?”
Now it cannot be assumed that Adam was not satisfied with God. Adam had no complaint; he did not request a companion. His pleasure was being in union with God, yet God said it was not good for him to be alone. And so Eve He formed, and declared that the making of male and female was very good.
God created Adam for community, just like He Himself is One but a community; Father, Spirit, Son. Alone, Adam was not said to have been created in His image:
“in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”
Thus, His image is displayed in the creation of both male and female. And so no matter how satisfied Adam was with God, this does not deter from the fact that He was created to be with a woman.
Often, guilt parades in our hearts for the feelings within us because, supposedly, godly women must only desire God. The fuel that feeds our guilt and queries are the abundance of Christian articles and books on such topics. We have the world pushing God out and emphasizing relationships, whilst Christians condemn our longings and demand only God, but inside of me comes this realization and I cry out, praying that every woman can breath this and live this and rejoice in this:
We can be satisfied with God in our singleness and long for relationship with a man. One does not contradict the other.
So, my beloved sister, yes you are single, and yes I see your joy in Him, but deny not those desires that root deep within you. You need not justify your singleness. You need not justify your longing to be listened to, held and loved by one man. You need not deny your love for cute love stories and your excitement at the prospect of your own God-orchestrated story. You are a woman, made from man, entitled to your own female thoughts, feelings and tendencies.
You are a woman.
Let yourself be one.