Identity |ʌɪˈdɛntɪti|

noun (pl. identities)

the fact of being who or what a person or thing is, the characteristics determining who or what a person or thing is

“We contain multitudes,” wrote Walt Whitman. Identity is the ground in which our roots find a home. Drifting and unearthed roots will wander aimless and lost in a dream world of pseudo-freedom. And roots on thorny or rocky ground grow weak and vulnerable trees.

What is our identity? What is our frame of reference for the Truth, the paradigms that form the lens for our perception of Truth, the maps we use to find our way to Truth? Is it the shakeable ground of seeing the world as we are? Or is it the solid and firm ground of seeing through God’s living Word, by which He spoke things into being?

Our struggle with the question “Who am I?” is one we can not answer without knowing where we have come from and where our roots lie. So to ask “Who am I?” is to ask “Who is my Mother, “the pillar and the ground of truth” (1 Tim. 3:15)?”

“A man cannot have God as his Father if he does not have the Church as his Mother.”

Saint Cypria

The Church; my Mother, His bride. Late have I loved her as I ought, because late have I truly seen her and known her as “the Church without beginning, without end and eternal, just as the Triune God, her founder, is without beginning, without end and eternal” (St Porphyrios). Perhaps, humanity bends towards seeing things as they appear to be and not as they were created to be.

“She is a divine institution and in her dwells the whole fullness of divinity. She is an expression of the richly varied wisdom of God. She is the mystery of mysteries. She was concealed and was revealed in the last of times. The Church remains unshaken because she is rooted in the love and wise providence of God.”

St Porphyrios

Beyond a building, the Church is a deep mystery of Christ with us, an extension of the Incarnation. As Father Alexander Schmemman wrote, the church is “not an ‘essence’ or ‘being’ distinct, as such, from God, man, and the world, but is the very reality of Christ in us and us in Christ, a new mode of God’s presence and action in His creation, of creation’s life in God…She is union and unity, knowledge, communion and transfiguration.” God’s gift of this mystery to man is what endows the four walls of the church with all meaning and life as the manifestation of the Kingdom of God.

“Where the Church is, there is the Spirit, and where the Spirit is, there is the Church,” states St. Iranaeus. The Church is the Kingdom of life eternal where the descent of the Holy Spirit, the Giver of Life, renewed creation through restoration in Christ, in His incarnation, death, resurrection and glorification.

The “organ of Christ’s redeeming work” (Chrestos Androutsos) where the continuing presence of Pentecost exists, where creation is transfigured by Christ, sanctified by the Holy Spirit and finds not only communion and reconciliation but fulfillment in the revelation of the kingdom which is “joy and peace in the Holy Spirit” (Rom 14:7). The beauty of Pentecost is found in “diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit” (1 Cor 12:4). This is the same Spirit of freedom that unites us in our diversity in so that our life in the Church is vivid with distinct personalities rather than dull, rigid and uniform.

In the intersection between the visible and invisible, worshipping congregations and heavenly hosts of angels, divine and human, nature and grace, material and the spiritual, present age and the life to come; the Church is found and is our preparation “for a better country-a heavenly one.” (Heb 11:1). She is a triumphant passage from old into the new, from the kingdom of nature into the Kingdom of Grace. The paradox remains, though she abides in the world she is otherworldly; just as we “are dead and [our] life is hid with Christ in God” (Col 3:3); she is in pilgrimage and anticipation, in repentance and struggle. She is mission and vision of the salvation of all creation so that she may announce and witness to Christ, encompassing the totality of human history to offer, in Christ, the whole creation to God.

At the beating, pulsing heart of the sacramental Church is the Eucharist, our passover from this world into the Kingdom and partaking of His divine nature and immortal life.  “We, who are many, are one bread, one body; for we all partake of the one bread.” (1 Cor 10:17)

“The Church is One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic, and she must constantly fulfill herself as oneness, holiness, catholicity, and apostolicity. Her visible oneness is to be realized as the very content of the new life (“that they may be one as we are one”) and as the unity of all in God and with God. The objective holiness of her life (the gifts of grace and sanctification which pour from all her acts) is to be fulfilled and realized in the personal holiness of her members. The catholicity (the absolute fullness of the gospel she announces and the life she communicates) is to grow into the “wholeness” of the faith and life of each community, of each Christian, and of the whole Church. Her apostolicity (her identity in time and space with the pleroma of the Church manifested at Pentecost) is to be preserved whole and undistorted by every generation, always and everywhere.”

Father Alexander Schmemmen

In the dichotomy of imperfect humanity and the sinless saints in heaven, the Church exists in a tension. We may be no strangers to the ‘Church of the penitents, the Church of those who perish’ (St Ephraim the Syrian). Wounds from our mother can taint and fracture trust, but sin of man can never affect the nature of the Church which is intrinsically linked to God. The Church is inherently heavenly and taught by the Spirit and so can not sin, fail, be deceived or choose falsehood over truth. We must fight to hold fast to Truth: “Orthodoxy does not believe merely in an ideal Church, invisible and heavenly. This ‘ideal Church’ exists visibly on earth as a concrete reality.” (Bishop K. Ware)

“The mystery of the Church consists in the very fact that together sinners become something different from what they are as individuals; this “something different” is the Body of Christ.” 

John Meyendorff

To be rooted in Christ is to be rooted in His body and the dwelling place of the Spirit, the Church and the sacraments, “strengthened in the faith as you were taught and overflowing with thankfulness” (Col 2:7).

Let your roots grow deep and wide “built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone” (Eph 2:20).

Sow those roots securely in Christ Who can not be torn separate from the Church since She is ‘the living image of eternity within time’ (Vladimir Lossky)

“The love of God created us in His image and likeness. He embraced us within the Church in spite of the fact that He knew of our apostasy. He gave us everything to make us gods too through the free gift of grace. For all that, we made poor use of our freedom and lost our original beauty, our original righteousness and cut ourselves off from the Church. Outside the Church, far from the Holy Trinity, we lost Paradise, everything. But outside the Church there is no salvation, there is no life. And so the compassionate heart of God the Father did not leave us exiled from His love. He opened again for us the gates of Paradise in the last times and appeared in flesh…God in His infinite love united us again with His Church in the person of Christ. On entering into the uncreated Church, we come to Christ, we enter into the realm of the uncreated. We the faithful are called to become uncreated grace, to be come participants in the divine energies of God, to enter into the mystery of divinity, to surpass our worldly frame of mind, to die to the ‘old man’ and to become immersed in God. When we live in the Church we live in Christ. This is a very fine-drawn matter, we cannot understand it. Only the Holy Spirit can teach us it.”

St Porphyrios

Check out Part V

To you, the churchgoer, who believes that it’s all about you and your personal relationship with God.

To you, the churchgoer, who believes that it’s all about doctrine and speaking in a convoluted way about God.

I wrote this for you.

Many fear the word theology; it makes some run to the other side of the room. It is a word that has hurt many people and caused damage, even drawing them away from church. On the other hand, it is a word that excites and inspires others.

In our church, there has been a complete divide between theology and spirituality. The theologians often seem to lack interest in having a relationship with God and are more focused on saying it right. Those who want to be ‘spiritual’, at the other extreme, stay far away from theology because to them it’s more about a relationship than a system of laws. This contradiction of world-views creates people with two opposing mindsets.

If we ask the question, “what is theology?” Then we must also ask, “what is spirituality?”

Theology is not a mere narrative of right truths; it is the understanding and declaration of the great I AM, of Beauty Himself.

“Then God said, ‘Let there be light’; and there was light.” Genesis 1:3

The Word spoke creation into existence, revealing the relationship between words and created matter. The Source of words is divine since the Logos, the Word Himself, Christ, preceded all of creation.

Christ is Truth, the Logos, the Word Himself.

God is only truly known, revealing Himself through His creation, when there is a right relationship between words.

“Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” These are counter-words, non-words. Words that abuse: God; said; you; eat; tree; garden. The right words, in the wrong order, to the wrong person, at the wrong time. A death of theology, or a theology of death.”

Father Stephen Freeman

Since theology pertains to God, how much then do we need to be careful with our words? Words have power, power to lift up or tear down.

Coherency in expression and carefully thought out words must be the ‘rule’ for portraying theology. As Bishop Kallistos Ware puts it, “clarity is a gift from the Holy Spirit, whereas ambiguity and disorder is not.”

We must not be negligent with how we express the Inexpressible. Our language is limited as we use it to talk about the things of this world, but in theology we are using our words to touch the Divine Kingdom. In order to do so, we must speak in a riddling and enigmatic way.

It often happens that those who classify themselves as ‘spiritual’ hate to read. To them the importance lies in prayer and worship without investing time in delving into what our forefathers have preserved for us. What I believe in God will affect my relationship with Him and those around me. The truth is, theology should lead to doxology. A knowledge of the Holy can only lead the heart to sing louder of His praises.

‘God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.’ John 4:24

Theology, mysticism, spirituality, moral rules, worship, art: these things must not be kept in separate compartments. Doctrine cannot be understood unless it is prayed: a theologian, said Evagrius, is one who knows how to pray, and he who prays in spirit and in truth is by that very act a theologian.

Bishop Kallistos Ware

We must acquire the mind of the Fathers in order to live the saintly and glorious life they once lived and taught. We must live by the same spirit in which they lived, and that can only be done by studying the words in which the Spirit Himself inspired them with. It is not by merely quoting them that we acquire their mind, but by sitting daily at their feet, asking the Spirit to illuminate us the way they were.

The beauty of reading is that it shapes the mind. It changes my distorted way of thinking and fine tunes me to the Spirit, which was granted to the Church.

Read often and insatiably the books of the teachers of the Church on divine providence, for they lead the mind to discern the order in God’s creatures and His actions give it strength, and by their subtleness they prepare it to acquire luminous intuitions and guide it in purity toward the understanding of God’s creature.

St. Isaac the Syrian

When I read holy books then the spirit and body are illumined and I become the temple of God and the harp of the Holy Spirit, played by divine power. Through them I am corrected and through them I receive a kind of divine change and I am made into a different person.”

St. Gregory the Theologian (On St. Basil’s books)

The fundamental purpose of the theology of words is to testify to the Mystery of the Living God.

Christos Yannaras defines theology as a “gift from God, a fruit of the interior purity of the Christian’s spiritual life. It is not a hypothetical system or a theory of how the world works. It is the illustration of the construction the Church’s experience through the ages. It is not an academic code of behavior but a partaking, a communion of being.”

An authentic theologian is one who is always taught by God Himself, theodidaktos. This is where Divine meets the material; this is where humans learn how to interact with the environment around them. It is not mere books or words that assist us in making sense of this world but the Word and the Spirit.

Our forefathers never made a clear distinction between theology and spirituality, between doctrines declared by the Church and personal experience. This is because the teachings deposited to the Church are meant to be an expression of revealed Truth, given in different measures to the faithful.

For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but it came through the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Galatians 1:12

Even though the teachings of the Church have revealed Truth they still remain a mystery that we should not try to use our logical way of thinking to understand. Instead, we should ache for an internal change of spirit, allowing us to experience true mysticism. Theology is theanthropic, the cooperation between Divine and man. Not a work between man and his bookshelf or even man and his prayer corner.

There is no discrepancy between theology and prayer, theology and experience. There is no genuine theology without the pledge to holiness. Therefore, there can be no separation between theology and spirituality. Theology is spirituality and spirituality is theology.

Let’s be the generation that marries these worlds together. Let the theologians work with the ‘spiritual’ to bring wholeness to this fragmented world and ultimately to the Church, the hospital of our souls.

There is a vast difference between a teacher of religion and a spiritual servant. The teacher conveys knowledge from a book using a piece of paper, while a servant, out of the fullness of the Holy Spirit, fills others with his faith, love, self sacrifice, humility, and presents spiritual experience and a living example to follow.

The teacher relays the words as he heard or learned them, he prepares a lesson to lead people to an idea. Whereas, the servant, by birth pains, begets children of God.

Thus, a servant is not merely a teacher of lessons, but a savior of souls.

Father Matthew the Poor

Check out Part IV

(Photo courtesy of Maciej Bledowski)

Trust is a fragile thing. It is easily trampled under foot, until the microscopic shards leave you ripped and bleeding.

Trust is placed in many places and many faces. It may be placed in godly leaders in our lives. We trust their words and leadership. When we trust we often look to them as if that they are the Church, and when trust is broken, all their words come into question. But reality tells us that men are all fallible and the Church is more than its leadership, it is Christ’s flesh and bones, it is the teaching once delivered to the saints. Trust cannot alone be put in godly men and women around us. Trust must be primarily in God, who is infallible, who is our Truth.

But what is our Truth?

Where are we and what do we believe?

In what teaching do we trust, to what Truth do we hold on to?

Our allegiance is not to men and women who teach, but it is to the Word, the only Word that is Truth.

It is not uncommon to bite the hand that feeds us. Truth may feed us for some time, while later, in our pride, we may become our own truth. I recently discovered that I was master of my own ship; was once taught how to sail, then later made up my own way to tread through many waters.

I have seen war, and I have heard rumors of war between leaders amongst the churches. I don’t know politics, but Church is the politics I have been forced to learn. Church is the place I have hurt from, and I have hated, countless times to remember. It is in this place I have witnessed unforgiveness, injustice and anything but grace.

Yet the Church is home to the Spirit of God, the Spirit of Truth. The Truth that outshines any darkness. And in that Truth I realize, it is man whom I have hurt from, I have hated, and I have witnessed unforgettable sights. All the while the Church stood firm, rooted in the teachings it has held for centuries. But often, as a response to my own hurt and frustration, I not only reject the perpetrators, but I reject too the teachings the Church is founded on, as if this will be the soothing ointment to my wounds. Bitterness has never healed a wounded heart, and rejection of Truth only leads us further from the Truth. Out of hurt, it is easy to run, like the unfaithful lover who cannot choose to stay, who cannot choose submission, who cannot choose to fight for Truth. When I reject the Church, I choose a war of emotion and grief instead of love and peace; I run to my own beliefs, separating myself from the community of the church, choosing to look upon the bride of Christ with judgement and condemnation.

“A sect is separation, solitariness, the denial of communality. The sectarian spirit is the direct opposite of the Church spirit.”
-Fr Georges Florovsky

May we cling to the Church, that the Spirit of God who is in her may rid our hearts of a sectarian spirit. For, Truth is not a fragile thing.

Truth is absolute.

So I choose to stop rejecting her. I choose to stop being my own God and making up my own truth. I choose radical obedience to the Truth. I choose to stop running.

This is the Church.

Here there is hurt. Here there is healing.

We need to love her ripped and bleeding.

You ran well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion does not come from Him who calls you. A little leaven leavens the whole lump. I have confidence in you, in the Lord, that you will have no other mind; but he who troubles you shall bear his judgment, whoever he is.
Galatians 5:7-10

To the hurt, 

Please know that healing is not a momentary, glorious event. It is hard, it is long, and it is a process. While these words are truths I believe in, there are days that it still hurts so much and I lose hope, thinking I am right back where I started. Healing is a journey, may we walk this long road together.

Check out Part II