I liked it so much, I kissed many. I never believed in considering future consequences, only the here and now, only in the moment where my body lusted and craved another.

I believed in hedonism.

I was a lover of a sugar-coated world, biting deep enough to reach the salt beneath; left parched and bereft. But when invited to dine with the Divine, I counted up the cost and I conceded that He was worth it all. Because when you see the light, darkness doesn’t stand a chance. When you see the light, you cannot deny its existence.

“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined.”
Isaiah 9:2

We tend towards hiding our not-so-pure stories, locking them deep into caskets that no one may see or hear. We profess forgiveness like we do breathing, yet shame whispers “tell no one” and we trust its every word. In a community amongst those who testify to the living Word, Who is pure and holy, Who calls us to be as He is, we feel there is no room for our stories of grace. We see the awe in people’s eyes as they intently listen to testimony after testimony, whilst observing how the same story-tellers are not trusted, always on trial. So we sit in silence, hear stories like ours being called a disgrace, bite our tongues as people express the need to marry only a “pure” spouse.

Yet, forgiveness does not beckon silence. And grace does not hide away our past sins. Rather it holds each thorn up to the light and transforms them into pure white lilies, with each petal holding a unique story, not to be forgotten, lest the power of grace be forgotten.

There’s a woman whose story I know well. Or perhaps, it is she that knows mine. A nameless woman, yet not a faceless one, for I have seen her face countless times when I’ve looked in the mirror. The courageous woman on the sixth hour of Wednesday eve.

She can see the Man she came for. She had heard that Christ had come to the house of the Pharisee. It was not too late to turn around, forget it all, save looking foolish, call it a moment of insanity. Yet, despite any doubt, she feels her feet carry her forward. Ardent, panting and perspiring, she makes her way to the large inner chamber of the banquet weaving through all the people. She does not dare look up. She can feel the heat of their burning disproval on the back of her neck. She hears the steady hum of conversation dwindle to hushed tones of disgust and scandal as they recognise her. People are moving a safe distance away from her. She pays them no mind, her eyes locked on this one Man. She had boldly chased after many men, but none like this. The room is silent now as they realise Who she came for. Does she really have the audacity to come before this righteous Man who claims to be God?

She walks forward, with one thing in mind. Sharp inhale. She stops right in front of him. Without lifting her eyes from the ground, she quietly and slowly kneels and lets down her hair. Memories flash before her of all those nights she used her hair as a snare to seduce, remembering all those fingers that ran wild and passionately through them. Her vision blurs as her eyes pour. Thick, heavy droplets of regret fall to His feet. She remembers the words spoken to her, how it was always her eyes that drew them in and held them captive, possessing their own alluring power. The eyes that stained her life with sin, now moistened His feet.

She stammers. With no words to say she does the only thing she could; she washes His feet. She takes her trembling hands, the same vessels that fed the pleasures of men, cups His feet and holds the thick strands of her locks to wipe them. She wonders if she has crossed a line, but He does not stop her or move away. She was accustomed to desiring men, but never desiring their forgiveness.

She takes her lips, lips that eagerly sought and caressed bare flesh, and kisses His feet. The room breaks out in shock; horror and objections ring loud in the room. An exchange of mutterings, naming her immoral, worthless and irreverent. She feels Him staring at her but she feels no fear and no shame. The others see Him staring at her, in a way they haven’t seen Him stare before. His eyes glisten, there is warmth. She knows how it feels to be stared at by a man, a ravaging stare full of fervent desire, but this was not the same. She feels Him look right through her. She is known, for the first time.

She pulls out her alabaster flask, her costly jar of sensual pleasure used to arose her lovers. The memories race, the images flash. She forcefully pushes them away as she breaks the alabaster flask. Her tears mingle with perfume and she continues to wipe with her hair. She kisses and pours; impure lips become holy. The beautiful fragrance rises. He does not speak but she feels His radiating, pure love. She feels something unexplainable she has never known before. Is this acceptance? Is this what it means to belong? She lifts up her head, looks Him in the eye, and she knows; nothing will ever be the same.

Luke 7 has its ending, but I’ve always wondered what happens next. I think of her departure to her normal life after being told that she was forgiven and loved. I think of how she must have replayed that moment over and over again in her head, how she must have wanted to tell everyone, scream and dance because of how light she felt and how her heart must have burst with joy. That cherished moment she shared with Her Saviour will forever be theirs. I also think of the men who must have knocked on her door that night. All those men that kept knocking because they never believed that she could change. I think of years of learnt behaviour that was like second nature and all she saw from her former life when she closed her eyes to pray. I think of her walking back into her bedroom, those four walls that contained all her unchaste amorous nights, and trying to pray. To rise in the place that she fell.

For, redemption is no passive, tidy ideology. Redemption is real and redemption is messy, it is as messy as sweat and a bloody cross. And it is on that same cross that the proclamation was made, “Tetelestai,” confirming the end, it is finished, it is done. No need to walk with head hanging low, shame raised high, but walk joyously in the light. The light that beckons every soul; those who have given in to every single fleshly desire and all those who haven’t. Because the Light does not differentiate, it infiltrates every darkness; and darkness has no measure. It is that same Light that looks upon us with the eyes of compassion and gives us the assurance that,

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.”
Romans 8:1

Our belief in this truth is dependent solely on ourselves and not in other peoples responses to our former life, our own thoughts or the enemies lies. Our remembrance of our sexual sin can be crippling. We may be crippled by the way we once behaved; disregarding the holy in ourselves and in others. We may be crippled by the fear of falling back into old ways, and the fear of being too marred in the eyes of another. The taste of sexual pleasure is not an easy one to forget, and we may fear our longing for that same gratification. We may be haunted by the words spoken once on dark nights, or the daily glances that remind us of the power we possess. It is a life-long battle to fight, whilst holding tight to the truth that there is now no condemnation, and expectantly praying, “According to your good will, O God fill our hearts with your peace. Cleanse us from all blemish, all guile, all hypocrisy, all malice and the remembrance of evil entailing death” (The Liturgy According to St Basil the Great).

And as we pray this, may we approach the Eucharist, His own flesh and blood, just as the woman approached Him, offering every piece of herself at His feet, broken like the alabaster jar. She recognised Him not as an ordinary man but as her Saviour, yet we often approach Him as mere bread and wine, blind to the Majesty that pours Himself out before us. Let us walk repentantly, with fear and trembling, towards the Holy One and partake of the exchange of life that He offers, no matter what sin we laid with the night before, knowing that His love grants us the audacity to approach Him with confidence and being rooted in His Life, the mystical power to flee all other lovers.

So I will not be afraid to speak of my past sin, the desire of sin on skin, the Edenic memory of Adam and Eve’s freedom in expression and pleasure corrupted and abused. Because, this I know, forgiveness and freedom is mine, and though I am a woman of unclean lips, as my lips touch His feet, there is redemption’s tale to tell.

Let the fragrance rise.

Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a live coal which he had taken with the tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth with it, and said:
“Behold, this has touched your lips; Your iniquity is taken away, And your sin purged.”
Isaiah 6:6-7

This body
My body
A swift sword
A time bomb
Ticking
Cutting

This soft skin that curves around me
That frames and encompasses me
I have seen its unsurpassed powers
I have tasted its intoxication
Eyes wide open
To its irresistible magic

Hard to forget
Its delicious sweet nectar
Dripping subtle, potent poison
This body
Is not a body
But a weapon

Of charm and deceit
Of self seeking ambition
I waste in admiration and affirmation
I glory in attention and adoration
I am a queen
Fluent in Sensuality’s language

The power euphoric
The formula, tried and tested
A gaze and a flutter of the eyes
The control to summon and cast away
The siren song that calls your name
To shipwreck on the stones

And I howl
“Come, I will take away your pain”
To those that pant for it gladly
Like a dark mist
Leaving corpses rotten and defiled
Asphyxiating all breath, all life

So I numbed all feeling
Revelled in my conquer and rule
Sank my feet in my reckless storm
This body
Is just a body
Empty, hollow and cold

The more it consumes
The more it seeks to devour
This body is flames
A trail of dust in its wake
Nothing it touches will escape
Nothing is left standing

Least of all myself
This body is foreign
I do not want it
So I hide and cover it
Who can free me
From this body of death?

A stranger in this body of death
Dismembered from my lifeless soul
I feel my body’s betrayal
Under a man’s unrelenting gaze
I feel the poison flood my veins again
When their heads turn

I am reminded of the queen I could be
The thrill of control
I feel the rumbling and the stirring
Threatening to take over
Seduction is awakening
She is hungry from her slumber

But I will deprive her
Lay her down in silent, painful death
Bind her in burial cloths and dig a grave
Roll a boulder in front of the entrance
Scream TETELESTAI
For indeed, it is finished

Because I am not poison, I am not sword
And I wait on a promise like a thread
Keeping me from fraying at the edges
Of the God who calls out to dry bones
Giving life to sinew after sinew
The God who never fails those who wait

The God who wore humanity’s chains
To shatter our every chain
The God who rolls heavy stones away from tombs
And raises from the dead
The God who puts heavy stones down out of your hand
And says, “Live loved”

In truth, I believe that in Him
All the old has passed away
In the Spirt
I am finally liberated
The Veil torn
My face unveiled

He steps into my tomb
And when I look Him in the eyes
I see myself
He tells me who I am
Not thorn but Lily
He tells me Rise and live

I believe, help my unbelief.

Co-written with Sandra.

These words are for the women who are too afraid to speak out; you are not alone.

Silence is deadly. To let silence speak, is to let our souls fester. And festering souls are no resting place for the Presence of Him who is holy.

As women we oft evade His presence, fleeing the present moment. Our minds are wanderers into the future, intricately creating fantasy after fantasy, convincing ourselves that it is acceptable. We tell ourselves that our thoughts dishonor no man, and a thought is not sinful unless it leaves the confines of our mind and enters into reality.

Even the essence of our thoughts don’t seem to be always sinful, since they are not always sexual.

For hours we can ponder a life with that friend or stranger, how beautiful our babies could be and how good a lover he is bound to be. Within a minute, we are world-heroes, world-travellers and we have dated 5 different men.

In the words of Natasha Bedingfield,

“Trust me it would scare you
if you knew what was goin’ on in my brain
Trust me it would scare you
that I’ve picked out the church all the schools all the names…”

A day in a woman’s brain, would, most definitely, scare you.

St Isaac the Syrian said that it is a “greater miracle that a man can see his true self than the raising of the dead.” There is no light in our silence, there is light only in our truth. Our every attempt of denial, and our refusal to name our fantasies – lust – is to neglect truth. And the truth is, lust does not only take form in sexual fantasy.

As creatures of pleasure, lust is rooted in the thrill, of not only what may be forbidden, but what is not ours. Lust is not to be tamed, negotiated or bargained with; our minds and desires constantly rush ahead, racing to the next thought even as the current one is being consummated – all in pursuit of pleasure’s elusive satisfaction. A thought never remains as a single thought. It is an ever increasing drive for an ever diminishing pleasure. Lust will always keep you longer than you intended, drag you further than you anticipated and take more than you were willing to give. It plays for keeps.

Lust is the hours spent inside our own minds in uncontrollable imagination over any desire.

Lust is the fantasies we create to appease our emotional comfort, whether from the opposite sex or the same sex; even if our fantasies do not involve physical intimacy. Like the fantasy of a man stopping us from boarding a plane at the last minute to declare His undying love with roses, a box of love letters he’s been secretly writing for years and a song he wrote and composed just for us. But to live in a daydream is to live in a spirit of discontentment. As harmless as it may seem, we set ourselves up for unrealistic expectations that no man can measure up to and we waste the chance of taking moments seeking the God of all comforts in this dry, parched land.

Lust is an escape, a mechanism to cope with the realities where we feel stressed, inadequate, undesirable, bored or rejected; we turn to fantasy instead of seeking adventure and relief for our burdens in the only One who can promise pleasures forevermore.

Lust is a lack of trust that God is always good and we are always loved. It is the Isrealties, longing for the food in Egypt where they were slaves instead of having faith that the manna is enough and it could abound in sustaining their every need. It is determining that you know better, and this manna is not the best, so you take matters in to your own hands.

Lust is the time spent thinking of the ways you desire to be sexually intimate with a man; it is intimacy’s empty well, leaving you perpetually hungry for much more. It is the devil’s deceitful whispers that this is the God who deprives, demands impossible things and who takes away everything. Yet we must “consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls” for “unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain.” Lust plunders and ravages our life, yet Lust has never forgiven us; it never took nails in its wrists. So while Christ may ask of us our lives, He sacrificed His first. What is surrendered to Him is never lost.

Lust takes the form of gluttony; it is the continual greed for excess and in this world of excess, I am the king. Centered on what I have set my heart on, what I feel I deserve or what I believe I am entitled to; I neglect to cast my anchor down to the faithfulness of my Living Hope and re-center on Him, the true King. Though we exchange ourselves for God, He exchanged Himself for us, for our freedom from death.

Our lustful thoughts come so naturally, that to fight them strikes against our very comfort. The mind is a fierce battle ground and we are besieged. Lustful thoughts are a never-ending attack but in our control is the decision to fight. And this fight cannot be of our own strength, but through the strength and grace of Christ.

Resolved to stand firm, we must not numb the pain for “we have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin”(Hebrews12:4). Paul instructs us to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17), for a mind that ruminates and fixates on its own desires and pleasures in fantasy, is a mind that ceases to pray.

“Why do demons wish to excite in us gluttony, fornication, greed, anger, rancour and other passions? So that the mind, under their weight, should be unable to pray as it ought; for when the passions of our irrational part begin to act, they prevent the mind from acting rationally.”
– St. Nilus of Sinai

Paul exhorts us to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5), so however captivating the fantasy let us capture it in the net of His grace and “whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things”(Philippians 4:8).

So I must test my thoughts, assess each one, to find that which is true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, of virtue and praiseworthy. But I know those thoughts are often few, and the reality is, pleasure drives my mind. As the disciples slept in Gethsemane, Jesus spoke to them,

“Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Matthew 26:41

Our spirits are willing, but our fleshy selves are weak, insatiable beggars. If a mind is not in prayer, it can reach anywhere, jump half-way across the world in pursuit of its favourite damp and musky prison cell of sin. “Watch,” He says; to be vigilant over the workings of our minds and the thoughts that walk through them. Watch, here and now because Christ’s presence is in the present. How will we respond to the knowledge of soul-festering thoughts? Will we let lust take home in our inner crevices? Will we expose those thoughts to the light and let prayer be our saving fortress?

Thoughts creep in more swiftly than they creep out. It is not with gentleness that they can be eradicated “for the kingdom of heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force,” but with consistent vigilance and prayer. We need hearts ready for the fight, confessing a festering-soul state and a need for One who is merciful. Many who have gone before us prayed incessantly,

“Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy upon me a sinner.”

Humility is a realisation that we need to call upon the name of Jesus as often as we breath. Prayer builds the walls of Jerusalem in our hearts and minds and cements them until the stones cry out for our Saviour. Our minds cannot run empty, there is no moment where we are completely thoughtless, so this prayer recited habitually becomes grafted in our minds, replacing our lustful thoughts. We do not deprive but substitute. Because, every moment I live, I live bowed to something. And if I do not bow to God, I’ll bow down before something else. A prayer of the heart ushers us into reality. A reality where I must meet and accept who I am at this present moment. In a place where we can say with St Paul, “by the grace of God I am what I am.” A reality that has the stillness of heart to listen to His fantasies for me, and not my own. “As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him.” Psalm 18:30

To pray unceasingly is to be in Christ. It is a sign of death of the flesh, a death to my will and a release of His Spirit in me.

In Him, I am white as snow, even if I stumble 7 times a day (or every minute.) If I cling to remember God’s mercy and this truth, that I am clean then I will be ever more cautious. For the clean can not tolerate a blemish. But if I let the accuser tell me I am the sum of my unrestrained thoughts, then I will become lazy, apathetic and slacken my efforts, for what is one more speck of dirt smeared on a canvas of black? Yet, you and I, we are canvases of lily white, washed in the blood of the Lamb, for He has “swept away your transgressions like a cloud, and your sins like a mist. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you” (Isaiah 44:22).

“Return,” He pleads. Must He wait much longer? Must I leave Him pleading? I thirst for lust, yet He thirsts for me.

There is hope. We are not alone, for He has not left us alone. Our eternal Rock; He is our motivation to be pure as He is, and our grace when we fall. 
So when my hand slips out of His, a thought wastes in me hours and I depart from prayer; I will take the hand of grace and rise again. I will take His hand though my hands are dirty, my wounds still bleed, my heart still fears and the shackles lying on the ground do not look as bad as they once were.

We cannot lie to ourselves and the world any longer; lust is not just every man’s battle, it is also every woman’s battle.

I will choose truth over silence.

May His love that is better than life satisfy our deep hearts.
May it purge away all lesser loves as fire to the dross.
May His presence be our joy, treasure and delight.
May you face the truth of your own darkness and call sin out for what it is.
May we fight for our purity together as we learn to be seized by a greater Affection,

In the Light…

Co-written with Sandra and Monica.

“you carry your snare everywhere and spread your nets in all places. You allege that you never invite others to sin. You did not indeed by your words, but you have done so by our dress and your department… When you have made another sin in his heart how can you be innocent? Tell me, whom does the world condemn? Whom do judges punish? Those who drink the poison or those who administer the fatal portion? You have prepared the abominable cup, you have given the death dealing drink, and you are more criminal than those who poison the body; you murder not the body but the soul. And it is not to enemies you do this nor are you urged on by any imaginary necessity, nor provoked by injury, but of foolish vanity and pride.”
St John Chrysostom

Distressed by this perilous power, possessed by us, the carriers of the XX chromosome. A strategic power we oft deny, secretly delighting in its effects.

Because the truth is, we notice a man’s affection, we notice when we are the object of any mans attention. We are not blind, hard-hearted machines that are immune to any form of charm or attraction. A sweet-talking man is a sweet-talking man, as Antarctica summer’s are cold.

And this power I observe upon the consumption of attention and words of affirmation. This power that devours the lustful thoughts of man, intertwined with my deep longing to be the object of man’s affection. This power, a sexual upper hand, knowing that a move in this direction, or a certain look, will hold him captive; reeling the subject around my finger. A power all too often used to seduce and manipulate.

Because no matter where you look, there it is, leaving an undeniable impression; the sultry expression on youthful faces, the come-get-me eyes, the flirtatious words and the promiscuous dress code.

And don’t we all desire to be found appealing? At the surface it is the perfect “subtle” manner to receive that mans’ attention, but at its core, it is the thirst for the alluring power of control.

Though this power be strong, it is hollow, obliterating Truth, and holds the captivators captive.

We only ever hear of men, how supposedly, men hurt, cheat and lie. How men are lustful beings, unable to control their desires. But oft I find that it is we, we who possess this XX chromosome, who are unable to control; we are the merciless perpetrators, with men as our prey.

Because with this power comes control, the control of having him at my feet.

So I take mine to Him. I open His word and as a mirror I see a portrait of my flaunting and enticing behaviour.

She “captures him with her eyelashes, luring him with just a look”

Proverbs 6:25

The words tug and snag and I pull. She is I. I read on and the picture comes into focus and sharpens.

“And behold, a woman comes to meet him, dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart. She is boisterous and rebellious, her feet do not remain at home; She is now in the streets, now in the squares, and lurks by every corner. So she seizes him and kisses him and with a brazen face she (speaks) to him . . .”

Proverbs 7:10-13.

What will be the grand result of my actions? Will I take the world by storm or will I be dashed to pieces on the rocks of deception?

“Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths; For she has cast down many wounded, And all who were slain by her were strong men. Her house is the way to hell, Descending to the chambers of death.”
Proverbs 7:25-27

With power comes a choice. Under the influence of a woman, cities have crumbled (Joshua 2-6), and kings have caved (Mark 6).

When we travel to the start the truth is laid bare.

“The man called his wife’s name Eve [life giver], because she would be the mother of all the living.”

Genesis 3:20

A woman was created not by accident or chance but with purpose: born to be a helper. A name, an identity, a declaration is given. To be an echo of Christ instead of echoing the world. To encourage and uplift men like many women have done before us.

Feminine beauty was never about radiating sensuality but radiating an aroma of the stunning beauty of Christ, a breath of fresh air…of life.

“So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”

Romans 14:19.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss says, “If our hearts are right with God—if we’re walking in purity and humility before Him—the fruit will be a modest external appearance.”

With great power, comes great responsibility. We can reach out to others, spread truth, and encourage the lives around us. This means we have great power. And along with that great power, we are also given the great responsibility to use it wisely.

May we never allow our outward beauty to diminish the beauty He is weaving within our soul.

May we run with hoarse throats, exhausted lungs, and full hearts proclaiming the glorious loveliness of Jesus Christ and not with banners of our own loveliness.

So draw if we must, but let us draw others shamelessly to Beauty Himself.

“How beautiful are the arms, which have embraced Christ-the eyes which have gazed upon Christ, the lips which have spoken with Christ, the feet which have followed Christ. How beautiful are the hands which have worked the works of Christ, the feet which are treading in His footsteps have gone about doing good, the lips which have spread abroad His Name, the lives which have been counted for Him.”
Christina Rosetti

Co-written with Sandra.

Baba, Lord, my King and my God – Jesus Christ my hope:

If there was ever a time that I made You smile, if there was ever a time when You called me Your beloved son, if there was ever a time that I found favor in Your sight… then hear these words Lord. Hear me now.

I need You to save me. “Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear².” You promised to save me.³ I can’t do this without You.⁴ I can barely stand in the battle⁵, much less win the war.

You told me, “My son, give me your heart”⁶ … it’s Yours.

You said “do not be afraid, only believe”⁷… I believe Lord, help my unbelief!!!⁸

You promised that you’d never let go of me… that You’d always be there for me.⁹ Manifest Yourself to me. I want to feel Your presence and witness Your saving grace.¹⁰

How long oh Lord, how long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart?¹¹ Look to me and see my anguish and deliver me for Your names sake. I am poor. I am needy; I need you.

Teach me to trust in You… to love You more. To see Your hand working when everything seems lost.. when all seems desperately hopeless.

I want to show You my obedience so that You know that I love You.¹² As You know and as You will.. have mercy, according to Your tender mercies which are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my rebellious ways.. but in Your great love.. remember me.¹³

“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.”¹⁴ Let it not be so my Lord Jesus… let it not be so. By Your grace; by Your strength.

Give me to fight the good fight of faith that I may lay hold on eternal life!¹⁵ Let me not trade the Kingdom for a thought not pleasing to Your goodness.

Open my eyes and teach me; help me realize how much I’m hurting You… how much I’m hurting myself.

I desire purity of heart.. so that I may see You¹⁶.. so that I may touch You .. and know You more.

I don’t want to be like every other great man of faith who fell to this one sin. “She has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men.”¹⁷ If that is the case Lord than what of me?!

If David fell with Bathsheba¹⁸, if Sampson gave into Delilah¹⁹, if the wisest man on earth, King Solomon, gave his heart to foreign women and eventually turned his heart away from the One True God²⁰, if Elijah ran from Jezebel because he believed that she had power to destroy him even though You were protecting him²¹, than what of me! The weak, the feeble, the heartbroken.

Come Lord and give me the strength to fight this battle. Give me a passion for You.. to struggle.. to overcome.. to be purified!! I need Your help. I need You to motivate me to overcome.²² I want to love You more Lord. I pray that You don’t take the war away, but that You instead allow me to be victorious.²³ I want You to be so proud of me.

-Your Beloved²⁴

¹ 2 Corinthians 2:10
² Isaiah 59:1
³ Romans 10:13
⁴ John 15:5
⁵ Ephesians 6:11
⁶ Proverbs 23:26
⁷ Mark 5:36
⁸ Mark 9:23-24
⁹ Deuteronomy 31:6
¹⁰ 2 Corinthians 6:2
¹¹ Psalm 13:2
¹² John 14:15
¹³ Psalm 25:7
¹⁴ Romans 7:15
¹⁵ 1 Timothy 6:12
¹⁶ Matthew 5:8
¹⁷ Proverbs 7:26
¹⁸ 2 Samuel 11
¹⁹ Judges 16
²⁰ 1 Kings 11:4-8
²¹ 1 Kings 19
²² Psalm 51:12
²³ Romans 8:37
²⁴ John 13:23

It’s war.. but not the type you see in the movies:

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)

The outcomes of these battles will shape you and the person you become so it’s important to know how to fight and overcome. The first lesson in learning how to overcome sin is:

Know That You Can’t

Yep – the first step to overcoming a sin you are struggling with is to know that you have absolutely no power to do anything. It sounds disheartening but it’s actually really good news because God does have the power and He is fighting on your behalf:

“The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.” (Exodus 14:14)

“Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this [sin], for the battle is not yours, but God’s.” (2 Chronicles 20:15)

This is why we need to cry out to God in the name of Jesus Christ to save us. Only He can set us free and only He can give us victory. However, at the same time, He wants to see us fight for Him. He wants to see us fight for purity, for humility, for obedience, and for all of the good things that He freely desires to give us. It’s not that we earn anything that He gives us but He wants us to struggle against sin.

In the epistle to the Hebrews, we are charged with this:

You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. (Hebrews 12:4)

It is in this striving and fighting against sin that we advance in our walk with God.

So cry out to Him to give you the strength and grace you need to overcome: “For whoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13)

Know Who You Are

Another way to renew your mind to help you in your battle against sin is to know who you are in Christ.

Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? (Romans 6:16)

You are either Christ’s or you are Satan’s. There is no in between. You have to decide: who’s are you? Are you God’s in Christ? Do you belong to the King of Glory who desires nothing but the best for you, the One who loves you unrelentingly, the one who takes all of your broken pieces and uses them in the most magnificent and beautiful way? Or do you belong to Satan – the deceiver, the thief, the one who wants nothing more than to see your ruin and destruction?

Know that you are making this choice every time you choose righteousness, and every time you choose sin.

Little children, let no one deceive you. He who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous. He who sins is of the devil, for the devil has sinned from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God. (1 John 3:7-9)

Understand What Sin Truly Is and Realize It’s Consequences

A lot of times we slide so easily into sin because we take it lightly and we don’t realize what it will do to us. Sin is falling short of doing things God’s way. The Bible says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights” (James 1:17). Well satan can’t create gifts like God can, he can just take a perfect gift from God, pervert it, and entice you with it promising that it’s better. Don’t let him!!!

Sin is not better than God’s way, but a lot of times we let ourselves get tricked into thinking that it is. When you make this choice you’re telling God that you know better than Him. You are calling what is evil, good:

Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! (Isaiah 5:20)

Furthermore, did you know that God has invested so much of Himself into You that when you sin, the demons taunt God with your fall. When David fell into sin, Nathan the prophet came to him and said just that:

because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme (2 Samuel 12:14)

Simply said, sin will mess you up. It breaks God’s heart to see you hurt yourself, so there are consequences established to help deter you from sinning. If a serial killer gets thrown in prison, and sincerely repents, God will forgive him, but that doesn’t mean God will let him go free – he’s still in prison. This is the case for all sin – lying, cheating, and the other things that seem less offensive than killing people. All of these sins all have earthly consequences, even if we sometimes don’t get caught and think we’re getting off scotch free.

I’ll finish up this section with the following verse – it always gets to me:

For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries. (Hebrews 10:26-27)

Repentance

“As long as sin is a state of being separated from God, then repentance will be the means of returning to God. As long as sin is being opposed to God, or being unfaithful to Him, then repentance will be the means of reconciliation with God.” – H.H Pope Shenouda III

Repentance isn’t just a feeling or an emotion – it’s a visible change in the way you live your life.

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. (Romans 6:12)

It’s walking according to the Spirit and not according to the flesh.

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. (Galatians 5:16-17)

It’s continuing to get up no matter how many times you fall with the hope of victory in Jesus Christ.

Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; when I fall, I will arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me. (Micah 7:8)

It’s learning to love God more than sin. It’s choosing God… it’s choosing His way.

So cry out to Him with sincerity telling Him that you don’t want to have the love of the sin in your heart, but that you’d rather love Him with all of your heart.

If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. (Psalm 66:18)

And more than anything, remember what you’re fighting for:

He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. (Revelations 21:7)