If you ask me about the most important things in religion, I will answer that the first, second and third things are humility.
-St. Augustine

We’re trying to move up fast
Can’t see the contrast
Of how the King came down
-Jimmy Needham

I used to think God’s gifts were on shelves one above the other and the taller you grew in Christian character the easier you could reach them. I find now that His gifts are on shelves one below the other, it is not a question of growing taller but stooping lower.
-Ann Voskamp

We all face the temptation to do spectacular things. Jesus was even temped to turn stones into bread and to throw Himself off of a temple. It is easy to fall in love with a great thing.

Everyone wants to change the world but no one wants to do the dishes. We must never fall in love with a vision or a revolution without loving our brother. It’s easy to fight with your brother about how best to serve the kingdom while forgetting that he is a part of that same kingdom.

Let us fight the temptation to be anything but small and hidden in Him. And let’s not forget that God speaks through the people with seemingly very little value: the donkey, the prostitute, the adulterer, the murderer.

We can do no great things
Only small things with great love
-Mother Teresa

Pride lies as a dormant seed in the heart that will grow into the weeds and thorns that choke every spiritual fruit. It is the silent killer. Humility is the root of all virtues and without it no other virtue can really exist.

We are the real lepers in the story, our wounds festering below the surface.

Just like every disease, pride has symptoms:

Finding faults

Pride tends to be easily critical of others. Someone who is proud will have little patience with someone they see in sin. They will disregard the truth that we often see the faults of others most clearly when they reside deeply in our very own hearts. Humility sees people as Jesus does and meets people with patience and love.

Faking

Someone who is proud is far more concerned with how they are perceived than the state of their heart. They may endeavour to work on the sins that are most evident to people but avoid tackling what is really within. This is why Jesus called these types of people white washed tombs.

Judge yourself not on your actions or words but your thoughts and feelings
-Abouna David Lamaey

Do not get a big head if you have served well, because you have only done what you are required to do.
-St. Ambrose

Easily offended

True humility feels no need to defend self.

“Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets” Luke 6:26

Attention seeking

This might not be someone who is outwardly boasting but someone who just can’t say no because they love to be needed. This also ties in with the need to be praised by others. Someone who seeks attention can feel offended or not appreciated when not given credit for something they have done.

Neglecting others

Those who are humble show no partiality regardless of the world’s love to praise those with wealth and power.

Hard for you to admit a mistake

Do you think you are usually right and others are usually wrong?

Do you find it hard to compromise?  Is it your way or no way?

It can be very difficult to deal with the idea of submission in this respect.

Comparing

Comparing yourself with others and ranking yourself accordingly

Humility, my child, is always to feel yourself sinful and worse than all other people, an elder explained. This is great and difficult feat. But you can accomplish it by applying yourself with unceasing labor
-A Desert Father

True comparison can only be made between yourself and the Word of God.

Feeling overly guilty for your sins

“How could I commit such a sin”

You think this isn’t about you

Thinking about someone else this whole time?…

Good news. The first step is realization; we can use that realization to fight pride. We can turn to the glorious Gospel in which we stand and make much of God, His forgiveness, grace, and desire to make us as He is! I can confess my inability to overcome this treacherous heart and can rely on His strength to deliver me from even the most extreme arrogance. I can stand at the top of my tree like Zechariah, short in stature but full of pride, and answer as Jesus calls me down to dine with Him.

To know ourselves is the beginning of wisdom. It is the beginning of realizing that we are the dust that we were created from and it is only His very breath that gives us life… and He adds to us grace and virtue!

The irony of the kingdom is that the more a heart is broken, the more it is healed and it is only the humbled bones that can truly rejoice

A man filled with pride does not know himself. If he really knew himself and his own stupidity, he would not be puffed up with pride.
-St. Mark the Hermit

Imitate the donkey in his love for his master
-St. John Chrysostom

The pride of your heart has deceived you, you who live in the clefts of the rocks and make your home on the heights, you who say to yourself, ‘Who can bring me down to the ground?
Obadiah 1:3

A short video for you…

After praying several years for a wife, I was married this past summer. Being newly married (almost 6 months now!) I am always eager to learn everything I can to become the best husband I can be. This usually comes in the form of devouring books, listening to different speakers teach on the topic, and learning from older married couples. More recently though, I have found value in marriage retreats.

My wife, Veronia, and I just returned from our first marriage retreat last weekend. To be honest, I was expecting something entirely different than what it ended up being. It was far from a romantic weekend away, but I wouldn’t trade what I learned for anything. In the same way the retreat was not what I imagined, the lessons I learned weren’t earth shatteringly profound either. However, it has been my experience that many times the ordinary can be extraordinary if you let it; many times the simplest truths are the ones that are the most insightful if you are willing to spend the time to look closely enough. After all, Jesus spoke in simple stories.

Throughout all of the talks there was a recurring theme: choosing how to respond to your spouse. We all think and act in different ways and this will inevitably cause tension when two people share their lives together. When communicating with your spouse, whether generally or when there’s a disagreement, you only have three options: turning away from, turning against, or turning towards your spouse.

Turning Away

This is when you don’t want to deal with the issue. It has surfaced a couple of times but every time it does you just want to avoid it so that there’s peace, or at least a counterfeit form of it. You choose not to confront the problem, and repress your emotions instead. You are tired of the disagreements and the bickering so you keep quiet on the topic and try to move on.

Turning away from your spouse is dangerous because of the two negative responses, this one seems permissible. It seems ok. At least I’m keeping the peace, you think. At least we don’t have to fight.

Sure you’re not fighting externally, but the internal struggle within yourself is fierce. Bitterness builds up. Unkind words left unspoken are thought against the other instead… until you turn against your spouse.

Turning Against

We all can picture the scene in our heads. It involves shouting and possibly actions done in anger: slamming doors, throwing things, and even physical abuse. It doesn’t always manifest in a fit of rage though; it can be sarcastic comments that wound the other deeply or disrespectful criticisms uttered to make a spouse feel small.

Turning against your spouse usually happens after a prolonged period of turning away and letting the poison of unforgiveness linger. When one person turns against the other it’s not long before the other feels the need to defend themselves, until they too succumb to attacking the person they vowed to love.

When we turn against one another we forget how our weaknesses are complemented by our spouses strengths. We wound the other and our relationship. If left on this path, two people who were initially committed to the other will feel that there’s nothing left but to leave the relationship they had a hand in destroying.

Turning Towards

This, of course, is the desired response. We need to learn to respond to our spouse by turning towards them.

Instead of neglecting the problem out of fear, you face it with courage.

Instead of talking in a harsh way wanting to be heard, you speak tenderly with love wanting to hear what’s on the other person’s heart.

This doesn’t have to involve words. The language of touch is a powerful tool. A hand placed tenderly on a knee or a gentle touch on the back can sometimes do things that many words can’t. A small gift thoughtfully placed or a small act of kindness for the other can also communicate a loving message without using words.

Turning towards the other is the hardest of the three choices because it requires humility and selflessness. You have to think of the other person’s needs and desires before your own. You have to be willing to sacrifice for the good of the other. You have to really push yourself to serve the other. It is not easy.

Thankfully, we have our entire lives together to practice and get it right.

These concepts are especially true of marriage as it is the most intimate relationship we will experience with another person, but it’s true of all our relationships: with our children, parents, siblings, friends, and even the beggar on the street.

What will you decide to do? Turn away, against, or towards?

(photo courtesy of Gable Denims)

There was something deeply wrong in me that He wanted to open my eyes to. Something that hurts Him and saddens Him. Something that needs to change, now.

“Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

“Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honour at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.

“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers.And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah. The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Matthew 23:1-12

Hearing these words come from my Creator’s lips shook me. I knew He wanted to tell me something important. I re-read these verses and stopped to concentrate at each part to see what it was that the Holy Spirit wanted to awaken me to. Then I realised.

..I’m a Closet Pharisee..

I’m that Pharisee that Jesus Himself rebukes in this passage. I’m that hypocrite. Whenever I read the gospels I never like to find myself in the Pharisees – I’m always the blind man/ Samaritan woman/ one of the apostles/ the boy with the five loaves & 2 fish/ Jesus. But relating to the Pharisees? Associating myself with them? Erm no thanks. As I did my quiet time today though, I couldn’t escape that reality; there were no other characters in the chapter for me to hide behind and meditate on; no characters to cling onto but the Pharisees. I wanted the chapter to finish as quick as possible so I can move onto chapter 24 and not have to reflect on whether I’m a Pharisee or not. The Holy Spirit stopped me though. I felt something telling me to keep meditating on this passage.

In verse 3 Jesus bluntly says that the Pharisees didn’t practice what they preached. He tells to the crowd to obey them and do what they say but not what they do for they were hypocrites. That petrified me. What if Jesus says these words about me? What if I’m the real hypocrite? What if Jesus instructs others to obey what I say but not what I do because I don’t practice what I preach?… It’s so easy for me to say the right things, so easy to put on an act, so easy to create a spiritual persona that seems to be entering through the narrow gate. How foolish. How void. How fake. I think it offends God even more when I do that knowing full well that He sees and knows all things.
“Everything they do is done for men to see” Jesus says in verse 5. I highlighted that verse. If you easily fall into the sin people pleasing like me, this verse will resonate with you too. Everything they do is for men to see. Everything. Everything. What a scary thought; I could be living such a fake life that absolutely every action is performed with the motive of gaining people’s approval and attention – even my walk with Jesus. Disgusting. It really is. Idolising other human beings and putting them at a higher pedestal that God Himself, that I’m willing to fake my relationship with Jesus for a minute of their admiration and applause.

To the proud-hearted like myself, Jesus very clearly explained how to notice if you’re one of these Pharisees. Verse 6 says “they love the place of honour” followed by verse 7 saying “they love to be greeted and have men call them ‘Rabbi'”. Oh boy do I love the place of honour. Oh how my heart lusts for the moment when I’ll be greeted by others and have them praise me. As I read these verses trying my hardest to not relate to them the Holy Spirit reminded me of all the times I’d stood as a deacon/ in tasbeha so desperate, so eager to move up a bench. To have my voice heard. Acknowledgement. Applause. Glory. I was reminded of the times friends had complimented me on a gift that the Lord had so graciously bestowed upon me and how I twisted their godly encouragement into self-praise, eagerly feeding my pride. I was reminded of the times my heart leaped with joy because I was acknowledged by someone more popular than me. Though I feel ashamed writing these words, I thank Jesus with all my heart for opening my eyes to the rise of the old man within me. The old man, who in my case, is a big self-righteous Pharisee too.

If I skip to verses 25 and 27 I hear Jesus saying:

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence… Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” What more can He say? How clearer can He get? Woe to you O my soul for you are full of hypocrisy. How easy it is for you to appear righteous and holy before men when from the deepest part of your soul, you worship Satan. How you run after him, sprint towards him, lusting for every drop of greed and self-indulgence that he supplies you with. I look at myself, look at the real me, and I question how I have the audacity to call myself a ‘servant’ in the church, how I can dare to dream of being a ‘leader’ when I continue to live as a Pharisee – clean as can be from the outside yet disturbingly filthy on the inside.

How often has your Creator longed to hold you in His bosom O my soul? How often has He whispered gently, spoken tenderly, screamed lovingly to you wanting you to wake up from your deep sleep?

I feel that verse 12 summarises everything the Lord awakened me to today; For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. If like me, you really struggle with pride, and humility is this foreign concept to you that you know a couple of nice quotes on, change needs to happen now. We can’t live lives of Pharisees. We can’t continue to insult our Saviour because of our self obsession. And before we fall into the lie that we can humble ourselves, we need to repent, laying before the King of Kings and ask Him to grant us humility.

Abba Poemen said “as the breath which comes out of his nostrils, so does a man need humility and the fear of God.”

St. Peter of Damascus said “At the Last Judgment the righteous will be recognized only by their humility and their considering themselves worthless, and not by good deeds, even if they have done them. This is the true attitude.”

Wake up, O my soul.

Prayer for Humility:

Lord Jesus, I confess that I am proud. I’m self obsessed and I try to please everyone in my life but You. I’m so concerned with cleaning the outside of my cup to appear righteous before others yet I’ve neglected the inside and left it to rot. I’m a hypocrite Lord and I will never deserve your forgiveness. But I ask You to have mercy upon me Lord Jesus Christ and forgive me for You are gracious, compassionate and loving. As you met St. Paul on the road to Damascus and transformed him, transform me O Lord and grant me humility that I may please you every day of my life.

Grant me the humility which realizes its ignorance, admits its mistakes, recognizes its needs, welcomes advice and accepts rebukes. Help me always to praise rather than criticize, to encourage rather than to disparage, to build rather than to destroy, and to think of people at their best rather than at their worst. In Your name Jesus I pray, Amen.