And there’s a seam in my heart, one I trace back to spending hours pouring my soul over, needle to thread, weaving through all the truths I believed I must live, and all the expectations that would keep my life neat, keep it tidy. Because who longs to live a messy life displaying only rugged edges and pulled out threads all over? Yet with every stitch, it feels like I closed the hollow in my ears, unable to hear, sealed the passion burrowing in me, unable to live. For to be fully alive, is to be wholly attentive to the Voice that calls you into being, and to allow the flame inside you to burn as fierce and as loud as the Voice.

There is a song bottled in the heart, a beautiful symphony that awakens the soul to live out audaciously. We stifle the lyrics through finance-focused careers, pleasing those around us and masking who we are that we may be accepted. Yet every Word calls for embracing the unknown, to live day by day, uncalculated, unplanned, radically obedient. And in that radical obedience, a radical defiance to all the suppose-to-do and the should-do’s, shaking off every expectation we claimed as our own.

In our desperation to stitch our frayed seams to picture perfection we neglect the tell tale signs of the thread as it pierces our fabric. So when there comes a day when the thread snaps and the material wears thin from carrying a weight it was never meant to bear, what will the mark the needle left tell? There is the thread I stitch with, the thread of performance, perfectionism, scarcity and of comparison. The thread of lies, insecurities and of living for the applause that never seems to arrive. The thread that tightens and holds the fabric is the very thread that tangles us into an insolvable knot.

There is an otherworldly thread. This thread like the ECG on a monitor is the thread that does not tie but flows, as a steady thrum of a heartbeat bursting from our chest, chasing the truth planted in our hearts and  bursting the seams of what is ordinary or expected. This thread is the thread of no seams, no limits, no bounds, no man made edges. This thread does not try to tuck in the chaos inside our world of sadness neatly away. Chaos is with the fabric, every fabric you’ll find it embedded in the fibres; otherworldly fibres that connect our spirit to the Spirit of God. For it is His Kingdom that lies within. It is His Kingdom that fills.

Sometimes my heart aches; am I really free? Do I live free or do I live confined to social and cultural expectations? Perhaps even my very own expectations. Often the well beaten path seems like the only option, when your feet are unsteady and choices seem heavy. But maybe all it takes is to open up your eyes and look beyond these sheltered gardens to see  there is a whole forest out there beckoning you to explore its acres.

I’m beginning to understand that God has given us our passions for a reason. They are chosen and they are precious. We are not meant to be smoldered. Smoldered, by the piles of to do lists and meaningless business, obligations and “should dos”. Because what if there really is no “should” in life? Could the words of Esther, “Perhaps this is the moment for which I have been created” (Esther 4:14) hold true in each and every moment?

I believe we are made for adventure; we are made for more.

May we live zealously with purpose, realizing that every choice is a stroke of paint in the picture He is painting of our lives.

May we stop living as prisoners of all the should-do’s.

May we choose to stop calculating our every step.

May we allow the melody to rise, that we may unashamedly burst at the seams.

Co-written with Monica

(Photo courtesy of Mykola Lunov)

Fragments of the tangible material, gently held in the beauty of the communal, stitched into the mystery of the Ethereal.

This is the anatomy of living; the inner workings of who we are.

We are more than dust and bones.

We are the imago dei, the image of the Divine.

But often life makes dry bones of us; we live as divided humans, one foot in the secular, another in the sacred. We fight to resist the intersect, and our lives become an internal struggle. We exist but are not alive.

Yet, to these dry bones He cries,

Live

Live

Live

For mere dry bones cannot bear the glory of God.

“The glory of God is a human being fully alive.”
– St Iraneus

Collectively Pursuing Wholeness

To be fully alive is to live in awe of the exquisite oneness that all of life is sacred. It is to thrive in the wonder of existence and tread knowing we walk on sacred grounds. It is to reject the notion that anything pertaining to “God” is more “spiritual” than romance, money, art, or any aspect of human life. We are made of material: “the matter from which a thing is or can be made, being of a physical or worldly nature.” Yet we are often stricken by guilt over our desire for the material, as if that desire defiles our godliness. With heads bowed in shame, we wrongly call for a division between all that is material and all that is godly. And in all this we disregard the truth that sacredness lies within the material. It is disguised within the everyday pedestrian life; it is in our houses, at our dinner tables, in our daily work, and in life’s adventures and travel pursuits.

Unashamedly Enjoying Beauty

To be fully alive is to live radically for the beauty in each other and in our own heart. It is embracing the sacredness of pulling off our masks to let our own stories swirl and unravel, allowing them to mingle with the stories of others – stories worth telling, stories worth pursuing. We are made for a communal life: “participated in, shared, or used in common by members of a group or community.” We are persons made for communion, made to struggle daily to show up and cultivate connection with each other. In our communion we are united by the brokenness that makes us one, so that in communion we say ‘yes’ to authenticity and vulnerability. There is sacredness in mindfully practicing hospitality of the heart, of inviting others into a safe, warm space where they can discover their true value and worth. Within the communal we celebrate one another, as lanterns that, only together, will brilliantly outshine the darkness.

Purposely Becoming Like Him

In the torn fragments of the communal and material, the thread that binds these pieces of clay together is the ethereal: “extremely delicate and light in a way that seems too perfect for this world; heavenly, spiritual.” We are a weak and fragile jar of clay, but still He chooses to set His treasure in this moldable vessel. We desire to respond to this call to live as His earthen vessel by seeking the treasure God has hidden for us in the day, to have eyes that see and ears that hear. We desire the eyes of faith that perceive the face of God in a stranger’s kindness, in the abused and the abuser. We desire the ears of faith that hear the voice of God in the sound of falling snow and the flutter of a bird’s wings.

Wrapped in our tale, we journey on into the inner universe of our heart. It is only there do we journey out of time and out of place, into eternity. Into the tale of its unfathomable depths, its caverns of dragons and lions, its secret locked doors, and its uneven rough paths to the entrance of our inner temple, the entrance to Love. Here is where Christ the King comes to take His rest, walking within, dwelling in and placing His Kingdom there. The inner kingdom present within is at the same time the Kingdom of the age to come. The place where we experience the love of God, which heals our every affliction, heals blind eyes to truly see the gates of heaven everywhere. To know His love is to know His face. To be fully alive is to live coram deo, before the face of God. In the communal and in the material, all faces are His.

We behold His face to become like Him.

This is the anatomy of living.

I am a soldier in the army of my God.

The Lord Jesus Christ is my Commanding Officer. The Holy Scripture is my code of conduct. Faith, prayer and the Word are my weapons of warfare. I have been taught by the Holy Spirit, trained by experience, tried by adversity and tested by fire.

I am a volunteer in this army, and I am enlisted for eternity. I will not get out, sell out, be talked out or pushed out. I am faithful, reliable, capable and dependable. If my God needs me, I am there. I am a soldier. I am not a baby. I do not need to be pampered, petted, primed up, pumped up, picked up, or pepped up. I am a soldier. No one has to call me, remind me, write me, visit me, entice me or lure me. I am a soldier. I am not a wimp. I am in place, saluting my King, obeying His orders, praising His name and building His kingdom! No one has to send me flowers, gifts, food, cards or candy, or give me handouts. I do not need to be cuddled, cradled, cared for or catered to. I am committed. I cannot have my feelings hurt bad enough to turn me around. I cannot be discouraged enough to turn me aside. I cannot lose enough to cause me to quit.

When Jesus called me into this army, I had nothing. If I end up with nothing, I will still come out ahead. I will win. My God has and will continue to supply all of my need. I am more than a conqueror. I will always triumph. I can do all things through Christ. The devil cannot defeat me. People cannot disillusion me. Weather cannot weary me. Sickness cannot stop me. Battles cannot beat me. Money cannot buy me. Governments cannot silence me, and hell cannot handle me. I am a soldier. Even death cannot destroy me. For when my Commander calls me from His battlefield, He will promote me to captain and then allow me to rule with Him. I am a soldier in the army, and I’m marching claiming victory. I will not give up. I will not turn around.

I am a soldier, marching heaven-bound. Here I Stand! Will you stand with me?

I was actually dreading Kenya when I booked my flight ticket; not because I didn’t want to serve but simply because I felt that if God did end up touching my heart then I’d have to ‘sacrifice’ so much worldly stuff that I loved in my life.

Arriving there however was very exciting; I was in a country I’d never visited before, with a really good group of friends out to do service and mission! Little did I know that God would completely unravel a whole new meaning to the word ‘service’ for me. From the first night the Holy Spirit was convicting me through Bishop Paul’s talk to repent, something I had been resisting for the past 7 years, before I started service the next day and to allow my Lord Jesus to wash not only my feet, but my whole body as He did to his disciples so that I can truly be a part in Him.

The main point that was constantly stressed throughout my entire Kenya experience was that ‘service’ without a deep personal relationship with God is no service at all. I’m not going to lie and say I’d never known that fact. What was amazing though was how evident and true that fact was witnessed by all my friends and myself throughout our stay.
After doing a couple of visitations, it really hit me how I genuinely did not know my Bible at all. The fact that I didn’t have the slightest clue where any of the verses were that I wanted to share with the people we visited, really troubled me! Quiet Time, something I’d always been struggling with, instantly became a requirement to me, and very quickly became a delight, a taste of heaven.

For the first time in my life I truly desired to allow God to invade my heart. Reading God’s word is simply indescribable. It was a big wake-up call showing me how shallow and fake my relationship was with Him. It allowed me for the first time to feel how my God loves me beyond imagination that He’s willing to forgive me repeatedly even though I am the crown of thorns on His head. Verses like “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” Ephesians 2:4-5 suddenly became alive to me. I began to understand how awesome and mighty my God really is.

Seeing how quickly God chose to reveal Himself to me moved me to tears. I wanted to glorify Him through my actions and my words and serving in areas like Maseno, Kisumu and Alego gave me that opportunity! God allowed me to witness His glory in home visitations, school visitations, prison ministry, children and adult baptisms, market preaching, church meetings and even within our own group! Every afternoon when the whole group would get back together, we’d all be in awe of our great God and I’d think to myself ‘I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me tomorrow Lord!’.

Ever since I’ve come back to London, God has been showing me how much our relationship means to Him and I thank God with all my heart that by His grace I am able to join David and sing “I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart; before the “gods” I will sing your praise. I will bow down towards your holy temple and will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness, for you have exalted above all things your name and your word”.

I cannot wait to go back to Kenya next year!

It doesn’t talk about the kind of guy who knows about how to get a girl into bed, or the kind of guy who spends all of his time in the gym and is so built that it looks funny when he walks, or even the guy who thinks that providing financially for his family is the only support that is required of him.

This is not what it means to be a man.

This video illustrates what a real man is: Men who fight fiercely and passionately for His will to be done, men whose sole desire is to give themselves to those things that are eternal, men who long to look this world in its evil eyes and defiantly exclaim, “I want no part with you. I serve the Lord Jesus Christ.”

It sounds intense. It sounds dramatic. It sounds like a big deal.

It is.

HE IS.

How many of us sit in front of Netflix, Xbox, Facebook, or some other form of idle occupation, which numbs our very cores, day after day, night after night, wasting our lives.

“We are not called to trifles.” That one hit me. A trifle is defined as a matter, affair, or circumstance of trivial importance or significance. We give our time, energy, and emotions to things that are worthless – to things that don’t even begin to compare to growing in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. Even if we feel that we are being productive by pursuing success in whatever path we have chosen, how much of our lives are we living for Him, and how much of our lives are we living for ourselves? Are we doing everything for the glory of His name?

We need more men in this world. Men who are passionate about God, about love, about life! He created this world for us to find Him in it. He created this world so that we would be conformed to His glorious image- not so that we’d sit around and wonder why we’re bored.

God is actively searching for men:

“So I sought for a man among them who would make a wall, and stand in the gap before Me on behalf of the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found no one” (Ezekiel 22:30).

Did you get that? The Creator of the universe, the Alpha and Omega , the Everlasting God, The LORD… cannot find a single man among all of the ‘men’ that He has created.

Why?

Because everyone is looking out for number one. Everyone is doing those things that are most comfortable, the things that suit their fancy. We’ve come to love pleasure more than we love God. We’ve come to be negligent and lazy with our masculinity, with our lives.

We need to encourage each other to grow in Him.

We need to sharpen each other by keeping one another accountable:

“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

We need to have an intimate relationship with the Word of God.

Reading and studying scripture is essential. The Word of God is living, powerful, and active. It is the Sword of the Spirit with which we fight with. What good is a soldier without his weapon? What good are we without His Word:

“I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the wicked one” (1 John 2:14).

We need to live with purpose. We need to be the men He created us to be. The men He longs for us to be. We need to show Him that we really do love and adore Him like we say.

How?

We need to learn and obey his commandments.

From the words of King David, a real man, a man after God’s own heart:

“Be strong, therefore, and prove yourself a man. And keep the charge of the LORD your God: to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His judgments, and His testimonies” (1 Kings 2:2-3).

Obey Him. Follow after Him. Pursue Him with all your heart. That’s what being a man is all about.

Don’t waste your opportunity. This is your chance… prove yourself a man.